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Week 3 NFL Power Rankings

As predictable as the NFL may seem, since the onset of the salary cap era, it has been anything but predictable. This season is no different; three 2008 division winners are currently winless, while the 2008 Super Bowl participants are both 1-2 and behind their respective division winners. This edition of Power Rankings will try to put the first three weeks into perspective by starting out with the worst teams so far and progressing to the best.

Spencer Pratt Division (Just plain terrible)

32. St. Louis Rams (0-3) – You know it’s bad when you are happy to see Kyle Boller at quarterback.

31. Tampa Bay Bucs (0-3) – The Bucs were trying to find the next Mike Tomlin in Raheem Morris. They may have found the next terrible, unqualified coach. (See Lane “I have a mangina” Kiffin)

30. Cleveland Browns (0-3) – Eric Mangini, there’s nothing good about what you do or who you are.

29. Detroit Lions (1-2) – You can’t lose them all… even if you are the Lions.

28. Kansas City Chiefs (0-3) – If they had Herm Edwards as their coach, they would be able to build on their three losses. Now Kansas City is just sad.

27. Oakland Raiders (1-2) – JaMarcus Russell looks like a combination of Daunte Culpepper after he blew out his knee and Vinny Testaverde when he was 44. JaMarcus Russell was the first pick two years ago.

26. Washington Redskins (1-2) – Losing to the Lions is like… losing to the Lions. There is no other analogy that can desribe this  situation worse than it already is.

We Used to be Good Division (2008 division winners who are winless in 2009)

25. Carolina Panthers (0-3) – You know it’s bad when your quarterback’s name can be used as any part of speech synonymous with a big piece of feces.

24. Miami Dolphins (0-3) – They might be 0-3, they might have just lost their starting quarterback for the season, they might have the toughest schedule in football but at least Marc Anthony announces their first downs.

23. Tennessee Titans (0-3) – Maybe Albert Haynesworth was worth one hundred million dollars. This defense used to be good.

False Start Division (Teams with the potential that have gotten off to poor starts)

22. Jacksonville Jaguars (1-2) – With their first home game of the season blacked out, there is already talks of drafting Tim Tebow next year. That should put some fans in the seats.

21. Houston Texans (1-2) – This is shaping up for another 8-8 season in Houston. Schaub looks good but how long can he stay healthy for.

20. Buffalo Bills (1-2) – TO had zero catches on Sunday. I’m pretty sure that he is going to take this in stride and no problems will come of this.

19. Seattle Seahawks (1-2) – “Two laps and hit the showers, but Olindo, you don’t have to because your cut.” That’s definitely what Jim Mora is saying to Olindo Mare tomorrow at practice after missing two short field goals.

18. Arizona Cardinals (1-2) – Their two losses prove that it is hard to be a one dimensional football team in the NFL. If the other team knows that you want to pass every down and your quarterback has little protection and a hip that only hurts when he is walking or standing still, it is going to be tough to throw the ball downfield even if you have elite receivers like Arizona. They need to establish a running game for this offense to become dominant again.

One Fluke Play Away from 3-0 Division (Without Brandon “First receiver Ever to Use the Madden Strategy” Stokley or Greg “I Should Have Made the Patriots Instead of Joey Galloway” Lewis these teams would be 3-0)

17. Cincinnati Bengals (2-1) – You know how when you lose one sense the other senses make up for it. Last year, with Carson Palmer out, their offense was so bad that their defense had to overcompensate just like a blind guy who gains a heightened sense of hearing. Now they have Carson Palmer back and the defense is still actually good. This might be the sleeper team of the AFC.

16. San Francisco 49ers (2-1) – I guess mooning your team works… just look at Mike Singletary’s success with the 49ers. Seriously, that’s what I am attributing their success to since he took over because Shaun Hill shouldn’t be a starting quarterback in the NFL. But I guess if Katherine Heigl is in a movie where she needs help getting guys (The Ugly Truth) or in a movie where she had sex with Seth Rogen (Knocked Up) then Shaun Hill can be the starting quarterback of a winning NFL team. Oh and Fear the Turtle.

Britney Spears between her “Hit Me Baby One More Time” and “Sometimes” Music Videos Division (Were her boobs real or fake, are these teams for real or are they fake? I guess we’ll only find out one of these answers.)

15. Dallas Cowboys- (2-1) – You can’t complain about the record but when is Jason Garrett going to turn into the offensive mastermind that Jerry Jones has paid so much for? Did Jerry Jones pay Jason Garrett 3 million dollars to call terrible red zone plays all over his one billion dollar field…COME ON!!! (Channeling my inner Will Arnett)

14. Denver Broncos (3-0) – We all know what happened in week one but then they followed it up by beating the Browns and Raiders which tells us absolutely nothing. We’ll know a little more after their stretch coming up against the Cowboys, Patriots and Chargers.

13. Chicago Bears (2-1) – This team goes, as Jay Cutler goes. With Orton they mainly relied on defense but with Cutler under center they have a guy that can win games for them and throw games away with turnovers.

12. Green Bay Packers (2-1) – These guys look for real one week and not the next. If they can protect Aaron Rodgers, this should be one of the elite offenses in the league. With injuries and lack of depth in their offensive line, this could end up being a big “if”.

11. Atlanta Falcons (2-1) – Crappy analogies aside, the Falcons have already beat two 2008 division winners before being humbled by the New England Patriots. Matt Ryan will go through his growing pains but the foundation of Turner, Ryan, and Roddy White looks extremely strong on offense.

Are We There Yet Division (Teams that think they are good but how far have they actually come)

10. San Diego Chargers (2-1) – One of the most talented teams in the NFL year after year also has Norv Turner as their coach. Can they overcome this? Right now they look more like one of the mainstays but can we really trust Norv or an ageing Ladanian.

9. Minnesota Vikings (3-0) – We all wanted him to go away but maybe now we should be welcoming him back. Favre’s late game heroics made us all remember why he was such a great player to watch in the first place… before he started waffling about retirement, waffling about flat screen TVs at Sears, and wearing Wranglers to play football. They face the Packers this week and the Ravens in three, so Old Man Favre might be popping some painkillers and drinking some whisky after this stretch.

8. New York Jets (3-0) – So far a dominant defense and running game has carried a Rookie coach and quarterback to a very impressive start with wins over two favorites (Titans and Patriots) and the sleeper de jour (Texans). They have a big matchup with the Saints this week that will show how far they have actually come.

Mainstays Division (It’s just two early to count these teams out).

7. Philadelphia Eagles (2-1) – With injuries to McNabb and Westbrook already, Kevin Kolb and LaShean McCoy have received opportunity and displayed that the Eagles future looks bright. This season, however, the Eagles need McNabb and Westbrook healthy.

6. Pittsburgh Steelers (1-2) – After the loss of Troy Polamalu (out 3-6 weeks) and two straight heartbreaking last minute defeats to Chicago and Cincinnati, it is clear that the defending champs aren’t off to the start they expected. With all the returning players from last year, it is still way too early to panic though.

5. New England Patriots (2-1) – They looked shaky in week one after a near loss to Buffalo and again in week two after being physically dominated by Jets. Was this shaky start due to Tom’s knee, an aging veteran core, or the continuance of the spygate karma-hammer being dropped down on Bill Belichick? Might be a combination of the three but they erased most of the doubt in Boston with their wicked awesome performance against the Falcons in week three.

Early Favorites Division (Teams that are already looking like power houses)

4. Baltimore Ravens (3-0) – One of the leagues top defensive teams is turning into one of the best offensive teams as well. Behind the two headed monster of Ray Rice and Willis McGahee, the Ravens look to have one of the most dominating and physical running games in the entire league. In addition, Cam Cameron’s creativity and Joe Flacco’s emergence as a soon to be Marino division QB give this team limitless potential.

3. New Orleans Saints (3-0) – Drew Brees displayed the first two weeks what we already knew: he can get it done in the air. In week 3, the defense and running game showed they could also join in on the dominance. Pierre Thomas, fresh off his MCL sprain, looks ready to dominate and Greg William’s attacking defense looks to add a lot more balance to what was the game’s top passing attack last year.

2. Indianapolis Colts (3-0) – After two close calls, both the offense and defense made it look easy against the Cardinals. If they can continue to get leads early and put team’s in obvious passing situations, their pass rush can be deadly. As good as they have been, they are clearly vulnerable to dominant running attacks, gimmicky plays and packages (see Miami game).

1. New York Giants (3-0) – The G-Men look to be filling Plaxico’s bullet wound (too soon?) with Steve Smith (he should change his name to “The Steve Smith”) and Mario Manningham. We know their running game and defensive line can be dominant but they need balance to be an elite team. Well, they are looking pretty balanced so far.

Leave us a comment and tell us who should be #1!

September 29, 2009  Tags: Arizona Cardinals, Atlanta Falcons, Baltimore Ravens, Buffalo Bills, Carolina Panthers, Chicago Bears, Cincinnati Bengals, Cleveland Browns, Dallas Cowboys, Denver Broncos, Detroit Lions, football, Green Bay Packers, Houston Texans, Indianapolis Colts, Jacksonville Jaguars, K.C. Chiefs.power rankings, Miami Dolphins, Minnesota Vikings, New England Patriots, New Orleans Saints, new york giants, New York Jets, NHL, Oakland Raiders, Philadelphia Eagles, Pittsburgh Steelers, San Diego Chargers, San Francisco 49ers, Seattle Seahawks, St. Louis Rams, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Tennessee Titans, Washington Redskins  Posted in: NFL